If you need the things around you

to change in order to feel good, then you are living conditionally.

Another way to put that is that you are codependent.

A lot of people believe codependency only happens in unhealthy relationships with other human beings. The reality is that your relationship to ANYTHING outside of you is in fact a relationship and if you are at all dependent upon it (whatever IT is for you) to change in order to be happy then you are codependent.

Here’s what happens with codependent relationships…

They don’t do what you want them to do.

Because spiritually they aren’t supposed to. Spiritually, they will let you down, abandon and leave you in order to redirect you back home to you.

It works that way with humans.
It works that way with money.
It works that way with anything you can think of.

If I need you to do/be/say XYZ for me then you aren’t going to do/be/say XYZ for me in order to (spiritually) teach me that what I am wanting MUST COME from within me.

But as typical humans do…we all depend on things outside of us for comfort, love, validation, soothing of some sort. We think it’s ‘easier’ that way but in reality we’re just lazy.

We’re lazy because we can very easily and much quicker, I might add, give to us what we are longing for.

How, is usually the question people then ask me when I explain this to them spiritually. How do I provide it to me?

Tap into the emotion you are seeking.

The trick is that spiritually things don’t work on a linear plane. What I mean by that is from the lover I could be wanting to feel confident and I can very easily go do a workout and embody the energy of confidence there.

From the money I could be wanting more freedom. Therefore I can very easily give myself the freedom I am seeking instantly by not DEPENDING on the money to set me free. I can decide I am emotionally free right now!

It’s not always point for point and it’s much easier if you don’t try to implement it that way.

So no matter what IT is you are desiring to change. Whatever IT is you are wanting your happiness from…it is solely up to you as an individual to recognize and provide that emotion to you.

Let me leave you with a short process to practice doing just that to carry in your back pocket for the rest of the day:

When you find yourself NEEDING something or someone to change what they’re doing/saying or thinking in order for you to feel at peace or happy, try these self-reflecting questions.

  1. What am I needing from them/it?
  2. How would it make me feel?
  3. What would I be doing/saying/thinking if I had it right now?
  4. How can I go about providing that feeling to me right this second?

These questions will allow you to tune in and connect with yourself and begin a healthy dialogue inward to tap into your emotions and learn how to provide you what you need, when you need it without being conditional to the things around you. If you’re needing further support and spiritual guidance, please don’t hesitate to set up some individual time to speak with me by going here and selecting the option ‘Single Sessions’. 

If you enjoyed these self-reflecting questions and they resonated with you, my book Ask Yourself contains 126 thought provoking questions to shift your emotional experience in this world. Grab it on Amazon here.