Listen there is no destination.
Sometimes I don’t like that either but it’s true. There is no place you are getting to. Each “destination” evolves into another goal that unearths inside your heart the moment you get there.
I was driving yesterday and was looking at passing cars and thought to myself “everyone is going somewhere and in each of our own individual minds that somewhere is really important.”
Then I thought how it really doesn’t matter WHERE any of us are going because this journey is so personal and so individual to each of us and yet the pressure you, me and everyone piles on top of ourselves is that we need to do better and be better.
That we should have more and be more.
Yesterday someone who once said they support me told me “You don’t work”. And I actually took offense to that because it’s quite obvious I work. There is actual evidence I work. Would you like to speak to all my past and present clients who can testify I work? This comment really upset me.
So as I allowed them to hand me their own personal judgment I actually held it for a second and got upset, let alone hurt.
I thought wow that’s what you really think.
I thought to myself just because you have a physical location you go to for your work and you have set hours for your work and a boss to answer to for your work that you actually perceive me as not working at all.
Then I thought to myself that their anger at me for my life being this way is their own internal judgment of their life not being this way. They might be saying I’m wrong for living and working this way when really they might be internally feeling like they want to live and work the way I do.
But again, I took the judgment and got hurt by it naturally as I am human and it was coming from someone who in one breath “supports” me and in the next judges and attacks me for the very things they claim to support.
It was confusing to say the least. But I realized something and it might seem obvious once I say it but it’s never obvious to any of us, even myself when we’re in it. I realized that their opinion of me is their opinion of themself. I realized that my reaction to their opinion of me was my wound of feeling like I’m not good enough. And that wound is something we’re all too familiar with. I grew up succeeding at things but still having someone point out what I did wrong or where I wasn’t doing good enough. So my behavior patterns turned into me succeeding and accomplishing big things but only looking for what I do wrong and never really acknowledging the actual accomplishment.
This isn’t the first time this particular person said something hurtful to me. It won’t be the last.
But then I got grateful; as hurt as I was I got grateful that that contrast appeared to show me what’s still lingering under the surface. What’s lingering is that deep down within my being I will always have that “not enough” thing come up.
And the goal my friends is just that….to be aware of it.
You are never going to get rid of it…it’s all part of you.
When I tell clients I will help them “fully heal” what that means is I will help you acquire the amount of awareness necessary to know yourself, love yourself and fully accept who you are at your core. I will help you know your behavior patterns and your fears and provide you practical ways to work through them, shift them and feel better about them.
But this “work”…this spiritual work we do, it never ends nor do you want it to.
I still find myself getting upset that there is no actual destination but in that contrast I am reminded that the present moment is THE moment that matters. That this moment IS the destination we were once seeking. And that this moment will fade tomorrow because tomorrow will be the next destination we were once seeking.
You’re always getting there. You will never NOT get there. Your right where you need to be.