5 Signs You Need To Set Boundaries
It is often easier for us to see when others should speak up and respect themselves by setting healthy boundaries.
But when it’s you in the situation, it can be difficult to see how to navigate things clearly.
Therefore I’ve compiled a short list of ‘signs’ that indicate behavioral and emotional cues for you to know when is the right time to speak up on behalf of you!
Keep in mind that boundaries are for YOU to feel respected, supported, secure, safe and loved.
Often we believe the boundary is for the other person to stop acting a way we don’t like. However, that is a byproduct of you setting the boundary in place for you to feel safe for yourself first.
The boundary is not to CONTROL the other person or the situation. Above all, it is to honor and respect what you deserve and desire.
To guide you through situations where you’re unsure if communicating a healthy boundary is necessary, here are (5) emotional and behavioral signs indicating it’s time to set a boundary now:
1. ANNOYED: You find yourself getting annoyed with the person, situation, behavior.
Annoyance is always an emotional indicator that you are avoiding taking action or speaking up on something. In brief, when you’re annoyed, you’re annoying yourself (and displacing it onto the things outside of you to blame and avoid doing what you need to do). This emotion typically emerges when something is repetitively frustrating you and you’re ‘hoping’ it’ll stop or change without you having to do what you need to do. What this emotion is communicating to you is to speak your truth.
2. ANXIOUS: You feel anxiety each time you hear from this person.
Anxiety is an emotional indicator telling you that you ‘think’ you have no ‘control’ here. You most likely feel at the mercy of the person or situation. As a result, you believe you’re powerless which results in you wanting to control them or run and hide to avoid dealing with it. Therefore the loss of control is actually in your thoughts surrounding the person or situation. Most likely you are reacting to this person’s words or behavior and avoiding getting clear with yourself on what you want here. Feeling anxious is always a sign you have to slow down and clean up your thoughts on the subject. In short, decide what it is you want, commit to that decision for yourself. And then from that clarity you will be able to powerfully communicate and set a boundary.
3. ANGRY: You feel angry because you’ve spoken up and feel they’ve ignored it.
Anger is an emotional indicator that let’s us know we value something highly and we feel the other is not. To sum it up, it is misguided passion. The passion for what we value being disrespected creates anger. For example, most individuals don’t understand that communicating boundaries is not a one and done type deal. As a result, it’s easy for them to ‘try’ one time and give up or get angry when the other person doesn’t respect them. As I mentioned, boundaries are for you. Therefore in you desiring and knowing you deserve respect, resetting them in firmer capacities to teach others how to treat you is necessary. Feeling angry is a sign you have to communicate and set or reset them in the situation.
4. REPETITION: Noticing that something you dislike is repeating.
Repetition of negative behaviors you do not want to engage in or be around is an indicator that a new action needs to take place (from you). That action equates to a boundary for yourself. Most times we make excuses for others behaviors and expect them to never change. However, that doesn’t negate you trying something different in your interactions or perception of it. Noticing negative repetition in and around you is a sign to set a boundary for you.
5. DISRESPECT: You feel disrespected in the environment or by the person.
Disrespect can include feeling not acknowledged, seen, heard, validated, loved, supported, understood. Therefore, it’s a natural reaction for us to place blame on the other individual in the situation when feeling this way. In some cases, once you communicate and set and uphold your boundaries, the individual might in fact demonstrate a lack of respect for themselves and thus they extend that to you. For the sake of this article, I want to emphasize the importance of communication and boundary setting first when feeling disrespected. For instance, let’s say that if after positive reinforcement of the above on your end, this person simply shows an unwillingness and inability to respect what you’ve communicated or find common ground with you. The result of that can be adjusting how you interact with this individual moving forward. Consequently, that is a big show of respect towards maintaining your boundaries for you.
Are you someone who struggles with healthy communication and boundary setting? It’s the most common theme affecting relationships in all areas of our life. I find this struggle between parent’s and children, spouse’s and even in friendships and business! However, learning healthy ways to communicate your wants and set boundaries for yourself requires you to know your worth and love and respect yourself. Set up a session with me if this is affecting your ability to develop healthy relationships with yourself and others to see if holistic emotional support and guidance is the right method to help you tackle it.
